Only In Texas




Texas Jokes

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                                                                                Texas Girls...

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties....

The first man had married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house.

He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a TEXAS GIRL.

He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said on the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

Gotta love those TEXAS GIRLS!!!!!!!

 

MADE IN TEXAS!

This is a real sign in a small town in Texas.

BULLS FOR SALE dead or alive


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Students in a psychology class at a southern university were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"In order to establish some parameters," the professor said to a student from Alabama, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," replied the student.
"And what is the opposite of depression?", the professor asked a young lady from Mississippi.
"Elation," she answered.
"And you, young man," he said to a student from Texas. "What about the opposite of woe?"
"Well, sir, I believe that'd be 'giddy-up'," the Texan replied.


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A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired of him.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!


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Regarding the year 2020, a senior at Texas Tech was overheard saying, "If he end of the world comes, I hope to be in West Texas. Everything happens here 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world!"


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The young Texas rancher came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?

The young rancher answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


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NEWS FLASH! - Bryan, Texas-----Texas's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M University students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today in College Station. Texas search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.


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A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the farmer and agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. But the lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nope, I give up. You can have the duck."